Self Identity

Identity is a very important thing, it helps you know who you are and what you want. It makes you feel more confident and generally helps with your everyday life. Why am I suddenly going on about identity? Because I have been doing a lot of thinking about it (mainly for a portfolio site I'm working on) and I think that not enough credit is given to how important it is.

The most obvious use identity has is in any creative media. If you sit down and identify the style that you wish to portray yourself as and refine it you will get noticed. Even if it's just something as vague as the style of lines you draw with or the comedy or maths you inject into your writing it makes it more professional and cohesive if you know what you are aiming for. But there are other uses for identity!

In everyone else's professional life it still helps. If you keep your identity strong and proud you will get noticed. Even if it's in something small like keeping an elegant standing in a security job, spending that little bit of extra time personalising letters that travel the company people will remember you, and if you don't get remembered you can never move up in the world.

Finally everyday life. Why would you not want to have your own personal identity. If you are just one of the boring masses that plow through life without anything unique or an defined about them. They might as well be a blurred cloud of person, blending into the environment. Now I'm probably not the best person to be giving this advice, I tend to push my personality waaaaaaay out there. I talk to animals and name them loudly in public. I tend to wear what I feel are quite stand-out-ish (It doesn't help that I'm amazonian in stature and stand out like a sore thumb). I like to stand out, but oddly enough I'm shy, funny that.

Anyway, I derailed a lot there... Identity helps life in general!

- Fae

Doctor who!

Sorry but today the excitement for the last episode of doctor who in the series has left me with the inability to organise my thoughts enough for a proper post today. Instead of just not posting I thought I might as well document my excitement =P On top of that I also have a couple of power point presentations to make, finish that identity mood board I posted up at the end of yesterdays post. Oh and I also need to write a DnD adventure where I'm not really sure about this weeks direction. Oh well I'm sure I'll get it.

Damn the internet currently though, I don't want to wait till it airs on Australian TV (what is that, like a week or two?) but at the rate it's currently going I probably will have to >.< (woooo I finally figured out how to display that smiley face!)

Till tomorrow (hopefully)!

- Fae

Jobs, hobbies and life

I'v spent all day on photoshop, working towards improving my skill slowly but surely. Some the work I have been doing has even been project work or otherwise university work, but you know what? I have loved every minute I have sat in front of this screen playing with layers and colours. And I think that makes a big difference in what you end up doing with you life, it makes you happier and it makes you more productive. Sure I could have gone with my original plan of coding and general IT stuff (I feel like I understand computers and coding quite easily), but was that really what I wanted?

Today's Experiment 1: Colour mixing

So as you might have guessed from the previous paragraph originally I was intending to become an IT consultant. I have plenty of experience throughout my childhood building computers and fixing networks, and I have no trouble writing or thinking in code (binary is soooo cool). But what I discovered when I tried to study it is I had force myself to learn. Learning the languages was boring, the lectures were boring, and quite frankly the other people in the course weren't like me. So I took this (thankfully) as a sign and I stopped trying to learn that particular course

Next was my go at multimedia, the stories of the places I went to try and learn are stories for another time but it's enough to say eventually I ended up at QANTM where I currently learn =) I could tell that's where I was meant to be pretty easily. See there were simple signs such as:

1. Not falling asleep in class.

2. Actually enjoying project and class work.

3. Being among like minded people.

Today's Experiment 2: Artificial light beams

Some of my early work looks like absolute crap, and for good reasons. Originally, like all of us bar the lucky some that are born with talent in the field they love, I was bad at what I wanted to do. It was hard to keep working on the visual side of designs, some classes when we were free to create say a web page mockup I would just sit there with my head in hands feeling like I'd never be good at this. Sure I could code a web page, code a flash website or place layers on top of each other willy nilly but when it came down to it I wasn't very good with anything visual. Now I'm not saying I am but a couple of months ago I started to know enough tricks and tips to actually pull off what I wanted to make. And you know what? I'm spending more time doing the work that I love, I'm getting closer and closer to what I want to be. And I love it.

Have you got a hobby you enjoy doing? Would you like to be better or even make it a full time job? Then work on it and maybe one day it won't be a hobby, maybe one day it can be your life.

Abstract Identity Board

And this leads me to the main point that this post has to make. Don't spend your life focusing your effort into things you don't enjoy doing. If your in a dead end job and you don't like it do something about it. I'm not saying quit the job and start learning to play the guitar but at least start learning to play the guitar. You may not be a guitar legend as soon as you begin, but if your heart is in it and it truly is what you want to do you will get better. If you don't move towards your goal you will never achieve it, and you will never be happy doing what you don't like. It may be hard at first but hell, life is, get used to it. Things are much more rewarding when you work hard to achieve them anyway.

- Fae

I'm so vain, I bet I thought this post was about me

People say I'm vain, and to be honest I can kind of tell why. I always have at least two mirrors with me, I take at least an hour to get ready for going out (more if I need to take a shower). I'm constantly fishing for compliments and I'm anyones when I get one. It's a running joke among those who I live with that my vanity is so all consuming it's basically all I am. So I thought today I would address this and maybe people would understand why I am the way that I am (unlikely) or at least it would give me something to write about (more likely).

By now I would hope it has been established that I am transgendered (if not you haven't been reading enough!). Now with that comes a fair number of insecurities and a great lack of knowledge about being female. Most females my age have had a good 25 years of practice, from the tiniest things such as posture and stance to obvious things like how to manage hair and do make-up. I have been doing my best to do catch up I swear, I don't know how many youtube videos I have watched in an attempt to learn all that I missed but I still don't know as much as I would like.

Still, while I don't have a good repertoire I do have the most basic hair style possible that I like and a very simple make-up set up that I used everyday. I wish I could plait my own hair but it doesn't stress me that I can't. When I try clothes on I know what I like and what suites my figure (even if I can't tell before I actually try it, making online shopping impossible). I'm definitely on my way!

But this does lead to excessive questions about how I look whenever I'm about to go out, and a lot of double and triple checking in the mirror. I know it may seem vain, but I feel that I have a little more to prove than the normal woman, and so I put time aside to deal with that. I don't really feel that am I that vain in the end =P

So what has this post actually done? Well I guess it's been something to talk about, there's a small (tiny) chance that room-mates will read this and understand, and I may have given away to one particular individual how easy I get when complimented =P Well I guess you can't win them all, or can you?

The age of the electronic book

As it may be obvious to basically everyone in the western world the electronic reader is becoming a rather big thing. While I have yet to really see anyone with a dedicated book reading device (the kobo looks nice) the numbers show books are selling decently well. I have one problem with this though, I love books... you know the old tree killing destroyed by water kind. I have a bookshelf behind me and three over at the other side of the room all filled to the brim with books. I love the feel of the pages, I love the smell, I love revisiting them and the pages slowly browning. Basically I heart books =P

Now I have never tried reading the books on the Iphone and the only time I have ever used a reader was in Borders last week, but from what I saw they have a loading time. Now granted it takes time to turn the page of a book but you can alter this by having a faster hand. What I don't want to do is reach the climax at the end of the chapter and then sit there, waiting for the next one to appear on the reader. I may be wrong here and I may just be nitpicking because of my love of a flammable media but that would be a real show stopper for me.

Sure I could use a search function to find things when I need to (imagine how much easier it would be to do research), but how can I turn the corner of the page to mark my place? I like bookmarks, what am I going to do with my current connection other than say glue to the back of my new kobo?

Still there are good things about it, I heard from a friend you can trade books one way or another. That is pretty sweet and something I would definitely be there for. And my collection would be less.. moth eaten if it was digital (both from moths themselves and bloody visitors with sticky fingers). I mean there are definite advantages.

In the end there only needs to be one additional feature for me to ever want to change to the electronic book age. A barcode reader. Yes yes I know there would be problems verifying the ownership of a book's barcode and there would need to be a system to allow bookshops to hide them from customers, but if I could scan all my old books in I would so be there.

I love books so much =P

Working with words and emotion

This is my first post talking about what I intend to do for a living, woop!

So today I left the home for my project work with my heart heavy and worried, after my big argument with the project leader last week there had been no contact at all and I worried that there would be hushed tones when I arrived. When I arrived there was a lack of eye contact for a while but it got better. However the most important part of the day is how I left the project work. I was elated, the happiness I felt was almost more than I could possibly express in words.

So the pressing questions is why?

It's quite simple, you see I'm a designer really when things come down to it. I understand how line and colour and shape all work together (even if I don't always get it completely right). Although I sometimes claim it loudly I am not an artist. Why do I make this difference? Because I can make something that is functional or pretty, but I cannot make emotion.

So I bet you can guess why I was elated? That's right, I created emotion in a piece. Namely the emotion of fear and horror : glee :.

Instead of just showing you the work I'd rather show you examples leading up to its creation. So here we go!

About 5 months ago in a Photoshop creative magazine (I got it two months ago, it's a British magazine =P) there was some excerpts about making grunge images. Basically the idea of it is to combine textures and occasionally text to get a collage / grunge feel to the image, it's really fun and easy. After some experimentation I really started to get a feel for the layering effect and I wanted to make a more relaxing image that represented my love for reading and nature. This ended up being something I really liked, it gave it a dark fantasy novel feel (as a friend commented yesterday).

The dark forest

So this was left in the past and the result was sitting happily in my self made folder for months. Today I realised that desperately needed to work my project team's website. Now I can't mention too much about the project except for the fact that it's basically a psychological horror game. So I'm the multimedia guru for this thing and I have been reluctant to work on the page itself for fear of an inability to create horror.

Eventually after working on business cards and just generally doing things that don't need doing I thought I should probably go and try this work. Part of the game includes whispering voices and the like to really make a horror feel. So I'm looking through my work and I find this one particular picture I love, words carved haphazardly on the wall of a prison. It has a real angry feel to it, and I think yeah that would be great. First experiment!

Horror Forest

I was pretty happy with, not estatic but still pretty happy. So I kept working and experimenting with it and I came up with this proof I could do it.

Horror

And that's what I ended up with, lots of darkness and burns in the images to generally give this feel. I was pretty happy, still not as happy as I was when I left uni. How did I reach this level?

Simple.

When I was showing this to my project manager (University lecturer) she informed me that the trees and hallway were actually making her feel uneasy. Now she's not the image you would imagine for someone who would love to watch horror things (she reminds me a lot of Alyson Hannigan in "How I met your mother") but the idea that my work could promote that kind emotion enough to disturb someone? So awesome.

So that's my day =) Hope all yours was just as good!

My transgender story

So yesterday I went over some very basic things about being transgendered and I thought today I come hone in more on my personal experience. So let's get right into it..

Ok! So from a young age if there was any word that could be used to describe myself it would be 'horrible'. I have been told that during the time that I can't remember (age 1 -> 7) I was the most terrible child possible. I was always angry and always screaming and always always unhappy (the unhappiness didn't stop till about 20-21). Trips to the store were hard as I would constantly grab things off the shelves and throw them to the ground, demand that *insert random item here* was bought for me etc. etc. Now I know that children can be bad but from what I hear from family and family friends I was tremendously unbearable.

Although my parents always bought me toys I would always steal my sisters. I was never interested in her toy horse collection but Polly-in-my-pocket was the business! Throughout my teenage years I stole my sister's toys, I read her babysitter club books and (shhh) sometimes I'd steal her clothes. Now my parents never saw any of this, whether from plain denial or just dumb lack of notice. So life continued as normal.

I was a very angry and unhappy child, I always got in fights with random people and I was constantly in detention until around 12 years old when I started to avoid getting caught =P I was a lost cause until the boys of the school I went to (I went to an all boys school, not the best choice for my parents to send me to but how were they to know) started to hang out with girls of other schools. About the same time I started working and made some friends at the Pizza hut call center.

At Pizza hut I met two lovely people, Cathy and Missy. Missy was the first lesbian I had ever met and she was so kind to me. She had a love of gay boy fan-fiction and loved the gay scene generally. It was to these two people that I first admitted that I didn't think I was the normal everyday straight individual, and it was because of them that I started attempting to dress something other than shabby =P

The girls from the other school were an interesting experience and I enjoyed hanging out with them all, in particular two girls named Chi and Cat. Both these girls were very kind and friendly to me, and they helped me slowly lower my fear of being weird and different. It was only through them that I managed to move on from what I was at that time, and because of how much they helped me I decided to have a talk to my parents about my confusion. One day I told my mum 'I don't think I'm normal, I might be gay or something' and she replied with a look of shock and the words 'Are you selling yourself to rich men in the valley?'. I was so saddened by this that I never mentioned anything to them till much later, and I always remember when I asked them what they thought of gay people and mum said 'We once knew a gay couple, I guess some of them can be bearable people, not my cup of tea though'.

Throughout this time I was constantly stealing and borrow female clothes and trying them (hiding it from EVERYONE I knew). But every time I did this I would just end up collapsing in depression as my ganky teenage body looked like crap in anything I tried on. I even once stole my sister's formal dress (seriously, shhh) and tried it on when everyone in the house was out. This was turned up a notch and even happened slightly publicly when I moved out of house with a bunch of poor goths. But still, at that point it was really nothing more than poor cross dressing.

So I moved out of that poor dirty share house to go back home and started going out with my friend from school, Chi. We went out for three years where she slowly helped me find clothes that would suit my gawkish body and help me to overcome my feelings of self disgust. However it broke my heart that the further I got towards the goal I wanted my relationship with Chi dissolved as she realized that she was dating a female, not exactly what she had been aiming for.

Regardless, she helped me find a therapist who could help me and pushed me towards my goal. This, in my opinion, happened just in time as I was beginning to not just hate myself but hate all those beautiful natural girls that didn't even know how lucky they were. I remember distinct days where I would drive to work and cry the entire time, glaring at every girl I saw on the street.

Things picked up as I saw my therapist weekly for almost a year, coming out to my parents about 3/4 of the way through this period. My mum cried and was confused and all my dad did was nod (still to this day he really has never commented on the situation, I don't know what his take on it is). From that point it's really been a slow progression like I talked about in my last blog, talking to therapists and psychs, taking drugs and seeing more therapists. Lots of confusion and telling people, the usual crap. To this day however only three people have ever had a problem with me. One just took a while to get used to it, one avoids eye contact with me whenever we meet a mutual friend's parties and the other is offended (which is really something considering my super Christian aunt has no problem with it). Life could be much harder =)

All this led to what I consider to be a pretty sweet life now =) Especially now I can finally date again. Three years without any kind of relationship really really really sucks (and the first relationship only lasted a month and was not much more than pain).

A short introduction to Trans-gender err.. -ism

So as must people who read this may or may not know I am a trans-gendered female (going to, not coming from) and have been for.. well for ever. So since a lot of my conversation today have been about various trans issues I thought a nice post about how it came about and what it means might be a good choice for today.

Ok so to begin! Transgender is a term that refers to people who have gender identity crisis and wish to change gender. It's most common as a male to female move and that is because of the simple way that the body grows in the womb. See all the little children originally develop as females and everything changes from there. The mummy produces hormones and these develop the babies genitalia. These new genitalia produce extra hormones and this sets off the development of the baby. In a male to female (MTF) transgender what happens here is the genitals and the body change from the influx of the testosterone but this hormone never quite reaches the brain. So you end up with a male body and a female brain.

This is usually noticeable at a young age to a small or large degree depending on the child (not all girls and girly girls and not all boy are all rough and tumble). The child itself usually knows even if it doesn't particularly know it yet (know what I mean?). However if left untreated the child (or teenager, or adult by this stage) will start to get depressed. Whether they know it or not yet life will begin to get worse and worse until typically it gets to a stage where it leads to suicide. Fun Fact #1: This large suicide rate led to the discovery of the difference in brains, you can't cut a brain open and look at it unless the individual is dead!

Now if the individual decides to seek help you have good system if you live in America or England, and an absolutely crappy system if you live Australia (my home of choice). Now lets look at America first! Part one: talk to therapists to determine your situation. Part two: Take hormones for a year or two at the most before.. Part three: Change your name and sex legally and live as the gender you wish to for year. Part four: Genital surgery! Ok fair enough, there is a possibility that the part three to four section can lead to be beaten up for 'tricking' people but you should be done in three years or so. Not too shabby.

Australia time! Part one: talk to therapists to determine your situation, around four or five of them for a year or two. Part two: Take anti-man drugs for at least six months before being given estrogen. Part three: continue to talk to therapists and whatnot while you slowly see effects of the hormones. Part four: Finally talk to the big bad therapist how gives you the go ahead if he thinks your ready. Part five: Yay! Genital surgery finally. Part six: Now, and only now you can change your official documentation to show what you have felt for what feels like hundreds of years. My biggest problem with this situation is that you don't have any official sign that your transgendered until after the end point. At the moment my legal name is Fae Olive Daunt, but my gender on the piece of card doesn't match =(

There are three types of transitioning transgenders: Hiding, out and stealth. Hiding is simply not telling anyone what or who you are and hiding either as the wrong gender, or hiding the transition itself. This has the smallest amount of danger from outside people but is the most depressing =( Out is when the individual is happy to tell those around him / her that they are and may not mind that they are a blend of genders. This tends to be the most confusing to other people and can be stressful (prepare for the staring from EVERYONE around you). Stealth is most possibly the most dangerous of transition, most traditional trans death stories (and there are a lot) lead from men (or women) believing they have been 'tricked' by the trans individual and getting angry. However a lot of people believe that being a transgendered individual is completely wrong and if they cannot get over this, stealth is the only option.

As I discovered today, as a transgendered MTF individual you have a higher chance of smoking pot (24% of all trans tested smoked pot in the last week) and doing crack (30% of all trans tested did crack within the last week >.<). You have an exactly equal chance to get raped as a female in college. You have a decently high chance of domestic abuse and your chance of being murdered is HUGE. You have a higher chance of believing you will die young but strangely enough a chance to live longer than average. Statistics are fun! ^^

So that's where the transgendered community sits, hopefully I'v enlightened someone (although I think at most two people read these posts =) ). Thank you for reading my random post on the tgirl situation! And finally thanks to the wonderful women in particular who spent the day going through statistics with me (data and numbers are fun!).

Pets take two

So I kind of wanted to talk about something else today but unfortunately I said I would finish nattering away about my pets and I don't like not doing what I said I'd do (... what?). So here we go on take two!

So last time I briefly talked about the cats and dogs of my life, so this time we move onto a sub-genre that I have always loved, rodents. As I mentioned two posts ago when I was much younger my parents bought me mice. Unfortunately I was way too young and the mice were way too small, so accidents happened over the year that we had mice. On the flip side though they did have a wonderful house =P It had two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and an attic (where we locked the males when there were a couple of pregnancy issues). Poor guys though without any privacy due to the huge sheet of glass that served as a wall.

Moving on however when I was around 14 my parents bought the family a rat. Being young and not particularly creative I called him Ratty, and he was just wonderful. Once our cat Ollie decided that he was hungry and started eying and stalking around the cage. I watched entranced wondering exactly how the cat would deal with the massive bars barring his way from the possible meal. Eventually he moved his head all the way up to the bars, pressed against head against the cage in anticipation and then it happened. Ratty jumped up, kicking off the wall of the cage till he was above head height of the cat. Flying past him with the deftness of a ninja he took a massive chunk from Ollie's ear and landed safely on the floor of his cage. The cat never bothered him again.

After Ratty passed on we decided to get another rat. Feeling more confident with my naming abilities (and it seems confused at what type of animal she was) she was called Polly. I was getting towards the start of angsty teen years so I didn't spend as much time with Polly as she deserved and she passed on from old age. Both Ratty and Polly were hooded rats and were the best companion to sit on your shoulder and carry around with you, I miss them both.

So I didn't even think of having a rodent again for many years until just over a year ago when my room-mate of the time decided she wanted guinea pigs (originally she wanted a hermit crab and they were out, so she changed to guineas, go figure). So that's how I ended up with Toki and Polo. This was my first time with guinea pigs and I really didn't know how to deal with them, and this proved their undoing. It only took a couple of weeks before Toki took offense to Polo and squished him under his huge big ass.

The two guinea pigs before the ass incident(Toki below, Polo above)

So I was left with one lonely (and evil) guinea pig, so I sought out a friend for Toki. After a week of looking at pet stores I was told that there were some lovely pigs to the east past capalaba. On arrival they were already gone and I was leaving with my tail between my legs when a man came in with the loveliest little soot coloured koala like little thing. So that's how I found my little friend Lord Sooty Foot the third.

Lord Soot Foot the third, defender of his castle

So they lived together in a nice large cage for a good three months before Toki caught a respiratory tract infection. He had to be put down in the smallest, cutest little gassing chamber you ever did see. By this time Sooty was too old to make friends with a male and was too old to not rape a female so what could I do?

So that's my pets and how I had them, I loved them all and miss all that are passed on =) I hoped you like be blathering

Sometimes you have a bad day

Today was an... interesting day. Something felt off from the morning, I had an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach (as I have for the last three days). I assumed it was just me being silly as always and ignored it. My task for today was to re-design the logo the my project group, currently it was two blue balls with the words 'Anger Issues' under it. After six hours designing and re-designing logos and finally conferring with someone much more knowledgeable than I on Gestalt theory I decided two major problems. The word anger combined with angry text completely clashed with circular figures that were a calm sea blue.

So I asked my project manager to come over and chat about it. I explained that I didn't have to change the design (I knew it was precious to him and didn't want to start an argument), but if I changed the tones to a hotter colour or re-designed the balls into more agressive shapes it would pull the whole idea together. He said "No your wrong". I sat there for a second stunned at the suddenness of his reply before making some examples to show him the difference between hot and cold tones. I had this lovely picture of a terrifying demon wreathed in flames, I changed it too a blue colour and asked him didn't it seem terrifying before but now, while still being magnificent he was now calm in comparison. He told me I was wrong again.

This kept looping around in this manner (every time I insisted I didn't have to change the design, I understand that there was an emotional attachment and I was happy to work around it) but he would flat out told me I was wrong. Other people nearby started noticing and joined in, including two other designers, all trying to explain to him how the hot colours worked towards the 'angry' side of the logo.

I got so worked up that I was inches from crying and had to quietly end the argument and leave to cry in the stairwell for twenty minutes. After calming down (and talking to a wonderfully helpful individual) I went home exhausted, to just get over the day.

So what is the point of me telling you all this? Well to paraphrase from the wonderful person who helped me get over it you cannot get stronger unless you first undergo the trial. Now I had realised this when working with a client a couple of months ago. He was an angry guy and was constantly belittling my work. However throughout all of his comments he was at least constructive in places and that helped me make better work. Pigheadedness was not something I had experienced in the workplace before and I was not at all prepared. But now I have learnt.

You see without the challenges of life you cannot prove yourself.

EDIT: I just realised I was meant to post about pets today, sorry! Till tomorrow maybe?

Aren't pets wonderful?

Hrmmm.. well for things to be successful I probably should think about defining a topic in my head before I start clattering away at the keyboard. So! Today's topic will be pets!

I have always had one pet or another at any given time. I mean I assume I had a pet when I was much much younger, the first memory I have of any pets are the cockatiels flying out the door and into a tree where they perched there laughing at me. Fast forward a couple of years and the next pet I remember was a cat named Cleo (eaten by crows at 3 weeks) then a family of mice (ate each other).

So fast forward an undefined number of years and my first beautiful cat appears. His name was oliver, a purebred blue Siamese with the most beautiful attitude towards people. He was the main reason I still love cats, he was wonderfully friendly towards people and loved just lying there and get some attention. He lived happily till eventually he died of old age (we assume, cats just tend to wander off and find somewhere quiet to die). Ollie was followed by BP who was a skittish little tabby who wasn't friendly at all (until she turned senile more than ten years later).

My first dog I ever got was wonderful, she was happy (read stupid), friendly (read stupidly trusting) and.. well.. stupid.

Roxy, stupid but friendly

She lived a long and happy life until she went the way all dalmatians go. She had a great run.

She was wonderful, but a couple of years later I managed to get a wonderfully loyal little mongrel named Jasper.

Jasper, so very loyal

He was so fond of the people he lived with (to a fault sometimes) and was dangerous at Christmas lunches (all these odd people invading his house carrying food). Still, the loyalty he showed was something I have never experienced again.

Hrmm.. I'v written more than I intended to and I am no where near where I meant to be in the history of pets, so I guess until tomorrow!

Another year another attempt at blogging

I have always loved the idea of blogging, being able to put your thoughts down in a (slightly) more organised than the way it sounds in your head. So, once again, an almost yearly event is taking place. That's right I'm attempting to keep a blog again. I'm hoping that this time I do a little bit better at it as I feel that I have more of a reason to this time. You see those that know me know that although I may be a tad odd, I have a slight problem with being shy. This can be most obvious with how I approach the internet (I have read certain forums for years and never posted on them). So this is my attempt to deal with that problem and hopefully it should spill out into the real world!

So first a little bit of an introduction, just because there is a teeny tiny bit of a fragment of a chance that someone one day might read this and not know who I am. First of all my name is Fae and I'm a transgendered multimedia student with a love of... well almost everything. While I'm still on topic, I cannot understand how people manage to get through life when they don't appreciate what life offers. When I'm sitting at home and I feel a bit down, all I need to do is find my cat or guinea pig and give them a hug. When that falls short there is sure to be something I find awe inspiring lying around, the texture of a leaf or a heron in my yard. How do others cope without this? Life is so awesome, even when nothing is going right.

Slightly back on topic, I'm currently studying at QANTM university in Brisbane city. This should only last until the end of the year where I am as free as can be. I still have no idea what to do with that situation, I can either work for a large-ish company or go freelance and while both have their own uniqueness they both have their own drawbacks too =/. I guess it depends on where I end up living =)

So other than everything what exactly do I like? I like Capybara and Tapir as they are the cutest things I have ever seen. Outside of them I absolutely adore birds of all kind, they are all so beautiful. In fact almost all animals I find adorable to one degree or another except for one small group of animals. The dolphin family. I fully believe that all of them are evil and cannot be trusted. While I do not believe in slaughtering them all (poor things) I don't think they should be as revered by teenage girls as they are =P

In my spare time I play around with images, pet my animals, imagine intense drama occurring in the life of the neighborhood birds, talk to things that are not there, cook, read, play my flute (not as often as I would like), smile at nothing in particular, hang out with friends and day dream. In the past I have been an avid game player but it seems to be wearing off with time as I find everyday life more and more incredible every day.

Hrmm.. well that's the bare bones of who I am, I hope to entertain someone other than myself =) To end this post here is a picture of my cat in a flower pot.

Gir, living life up in his favourite flower pot

I hope you enjoy the lack of focus I have to present you internet!