Karma

As try as I might I have not been able to think of something to write about for my blog for the last couple of days as I have been doing nothing but vague designing and coding my project group's page. So determined to have something to write about today I have decided on a random topic: Karma.

For those that don't know (and I assume everyone would, but anyway), karma is the idea that bad things will eventually bite you on the ass. Some people view it as a direct payback (Cut off someone in traffic and you will get in turn cut off), some wiccans see it as the rule of three (any energy or thought, whether positive or negative, will return to them three times over) but regardless the general idea it is a commonly held idea one of payback. Some people turn up their nose at the idea saying "But that's just superstition!" but the version of it I'd like to talk about today is a simple one which I will attempt to present logically.

My version of Karma relies mainly on happiness. You see in my everyday life I try my best to be happy, smile and treat people with kindness and respect. In everyday life you tend to bump into the same people everyday, whether they be the people who serve you coffee everyday or people who tend to catch the same train at the same time as you. If you always smile and offer them your seat if it looks like they need it they will be happier. If they are happier they will tend to treat others better reguardless of nature. Eventually this will come back to you in the simple form or someone smiling at your or offering you their seat.

It's the basic principle of 'treat others how you yourself would like to be treated' and I think it's a very important one to live by. It's a really simple concept, a logical one at that, that is based off cause and effect. So please in the future be nice to everyone around you, it means everyone else will be nice to you. And no one likes a dickhead =P

On a different note I'd like to add that I in a slightly more superstitious way believe that it will truly return to the person who deserves it =) Just saying!

- Fae

A full day of work

I'm absolutely exhausted. I have spent all day coding furiously to try and get my project group's website up and running (www.angerissuesinteractive.com) and my brain is reeling from being in that mind set. My hands kind of hurt from constantly thumping them on the desk and my voice is a bit hoarse from yelling at code that won't obey. Although I went out for lunch when I got back with my bowl I kept coding as I ate. But even though I feel this way, I have had a wonderful day.

Yesterday I worked just as hard, and yet I didn't have the same kind of show for it. I recorded music for my project group, presented a ten minute talk on my self identity and did a little bit of coding. Reguardless I spent the whole day working, even when I got home I did some work on a couple of logos I had stuck in my head. (It may be important to note that I did get a massive piece of positive feedback about my work from someone who I think is just the most awesome guy and this just may have kept me fueled, but still)

I don't understand why people can't appreciate doing a good full day of work, I find that if you ever feel like your not doing anything with your life and things are stagnant doing everything you can for a full day is the best cure. It doesn't matter if your doing hard work or just work that needs doing, you'll wear yourself out sleep better and feel great the next morning.

Still, I'm exhausted and it's time for bed =) Promised someone that would I read a poem for them that they need to record for some project or another tomorrow morning early, and I don't like letting people down.

- Fae

Food for thought

I cannot understand why people do not eat well. I know people who would be happy to eat instant noodles every single day for the rest of their life, and I ask myself "Is that life?". I mean it echoes my sentiments about not trying to live a happy life, being depressed all your life is like eating nothing but Smith's BBQ chips. Sure it may be easy, and in the very very short term rewarding but if you keep it up your going to get fat and unhappy again.

Does this dog look happy to you?

The big difference is enjoying food vs enjoying eating. Enjoying food is fine, enjoying the most delicious combinations possible with the perfect blend of spices, what could be better? The problem is people who just enjoy eating. The people who would buy and consuming absolute crap simply because they could, it just boggles the mind.

Eating good food helps so much in everyday life. Just going to the effort to make something extra delicious may take you an extra half an hour compared to the two minutes to heat up noodles, but the time you make up from being that little bit more happy pays off. We all know what it's like, when your depressed work drags, you find things distract you easily and stuff just doesn't get done. That extra time spent making good food pays off in how efficient you spend your time.

Plus the best bonus you get from this is impressing friends and guests. The look on people's faces as they taste your well honed skills evident in your mushroom risotto is worth it, believe me. Girlfriends or boyfriends will fawn all over you just that little bit more.

So what I'm basically saying is take that little bit more time in your life to make your own food. Start small working with bits and pieces that are premade (like pasta sauce) and then start to experiment with adding things. Look into what makes up your favourite sauces, you'd be very surprised at how easy stroganoff and carbonara is for one. Work your way up to making your own sauces, understanding spice and cooking times! It's one of the most basic rewards you can give yourself =)

- Fae

(Edit: I just spent waaaaaay too long trying to understand the coding for the Blogger template, but regardless I have a new layout. This new background / colour scheme is based on my identity mood board I made a couple of weeks ago. Hope you all like it ^^)

Thinking positive

So today an old acquaintance messaged me on Facebook asking for a shoulder to cry on, I couldn't actually manage to get out to her as I had a hundred page project plan to finish, two essays to write and a date to go on, but that didn't stop me from chatting to her. Things weren't going well for her (well duh, who would complain about life going really well) and she was feeling pretty bad. She was feeling pretty down, but just like I remember her she was very very negative about the situation. Now if your reading this and your the individual that talked to me today I mean no offense by the following post I just wanted to talk about thinking positive (as gay as that is =P).

Thinking positive is damn important in life, just as being nice to others is! Life may not be any better when you think positively (duh =P), but if you always think negatively life can never be happy. I know a couple of people who don't have too bad a life, but they don't ever love their life because even when it's good "It's only good because something bad is happening". Seriously people, being that negative can't be fun.

You see, you will always be miserable unless you can learn to think positive. Doesn't matter how good things are, you will always hate your current situation. So lets look at it on the opposite side. Say things absolutely suck and you are thinking positive, what's happening now? Life is not being particularly fun, but you think things will pick up soon so your not absolutely wrecked by the news. How is that not bad?

So how can thinking positively not work? I do not see a failure in logic here. Think negatively and life suck, think positively and life rules. How can you go wrong?

Finally, I'd like to talk about the one drawback I have to admit there is. I am widely optimistic on the humans around me. I'm often heard to spout things like "Surely people can't be that dumb!" and "Wow, I didn't know people could be that mean =(". This hasn't come back to bite me on the ass badly (bar maybe one, max two people I used to know). But on the whole I have to say it's worth it. Life is awesome this way.

So take your pick, either life sucks, or you think positively =)

- Fae

Dear internet

Dear Internet,

Originally things were going so well, you gave me gifts like research, communities and easy learning opportunities. Our relationship flourished and it wasn't long before I was completely in love with you. I spent all day reveling in your bad fanfic, your odd fetish pages and places that showed me these easily. Things were great.

But it wasn't long until the cracks begin to show. First it was the diseases you were giving me. I should have cottoned on when I first crashed, unable to return to my usual business for days, but I thought it was my fault and that I would learn. But it wasn't long before I contracted another from you, time and time again. Still, before I had a chance to feel I needed to separate myself from you you cleaned up your act and I fell back into your sway.

The next things I knew, you started trying to sell me things. At first I thought it was cute, that you were trying to better me, and I didn't mind your willingness to tell me that I could easily win a Nintendo 64 if I just guessed which cup the ball was under. I thought your fairground tactics were cute, if not a little cheap. But you persisted and things started to turn a lot more sour.

Then it got weird. You started leaving these advertisements around my place and then monitoring which ones I was interested. This is still going on today! Sure you claim it's to make sure I'm doing good things, but I don't really trust you as much anymore.

And what's this I hear from friends? You are trying to stop me from going to my usual hang outs? You claim it's for my own good? I'm not sure that this relationship is still the same thing it was when we started.

Internet, I'm sending you this letter because I'm not sure if you are going in the same direction as I am. I'm worried about your obsessiveness to know my business. I'm afraid your protectiveness may turn nasty and physical. Internet, I think you need to seek professional help.

Please, take some time to think about what's happening to your life before something we both regret happens.

Yours sincerely,

Fae

(ok that was weird, started as a comedy idea and turned into a rant. God damn internet filter : shakes fist : )

- Fae

The tale of the holy grail

Generic Holy Grail image (Thanks Google images!)

Transgendered individuals have a tendency to have this ultimate goal, what the holy grail was to that nazi with the circular glasses and what eating a smurf is to Gargomel. We are talking the big enchilada, the cookie that doesn't crumble, having your cake and then when no one is looking scoffing it. This simple goal is known as "passing" and it involves having all that see you assuming you are the gender you are trying to portray.

Some people take decades before they can get away with this, others get away with it within weeks (those bitches). For some this is the be all and end all of life, they don't consider themselves to be possibly happy before they get away with passing. Others, more laid back with life, just wait till it comes about naturally. But no matter what any Tgirl or Tguy tell you, that big moment is a massive achievement.

So you can probably guess which direction this is going, last night was one of the first times I headed out somewhere really really trying to pass (I mean I do try with my girl ^^ But I'm never trying to pass, I'm simply trying to look pretty for her, yeah I know I'm girly). I had my new wonderful business / casual low cut white shirt and some tight pants, and more importantly I was confident. See I'v been chatting happily with my girl and she thinks that people have been looking at me quizzically less and less, and the general happiness of life recently is real boost of confidence, so I was all ready for the evening.

So I arrive at the Muddy Farmer, and just like the name suggests I have arrived in what is basically a bogan tavern. Most of the men there are either hobos, old dirty men or missing massive amounts of teeth (I have nothing against people missing teeth! Just if your missing say every second front tooth on both top and bottom jaws you might want to do something about that or you will scare the pretty ladies). The women have that horrible screeching way about talking and say things "All those bitches don't like me because I have personality!". At first Cathy, Missy and myself (Cathy and Missy are the two I met at Pizza Hut, I mentioned them in an early post =P) just hung out at the bottom of the tavern playing pool by ourselves but soon enough we were accosted.

Two men approached as and asked if we three lovely ladies were up for a game of doubles. Cathy agreed immediately and we waited slightly fearful of these men's re-approach. Eventually they returned as as I felt I was the worst of the three of us at pool (and we wanted to win god damnit) I didn't partake in the game and tried to avoid eye contact with these two very strange men. Eventually one approached me and I was terrified (not to mention a little drunk), he sidled up to me and said "How tall are you, six what?". "Three, six three," I stammered in reply, terrified my voice would give me away. "Jesus, you tall women make me feel like less of man," he grinned inanely. "But your damn sexy," he quickly appended.

I didn't know how to deal with this exactly, this strange, bad smelling, tooth missing man... thought I was sexy? Well at least I seem to passing I thought happily to myself. This mood was helped along by the amount of fun I was having, but this 'passing' continued throughout the night.

So what does this mean? In an alcohol filled, dimly lit bar people automatically assume I am female. Hell, for all I know it may be something that exists outside these set circumstances. But regardless I made it! I managed to pass in public ^^

- Fae

Landmark day!

So anyone that knows me knows that I need help whenever I go shopping. Whether it is just someone to help pick out styles or someone to give me that added boost of self confidence I always need that extra person. This is not every time however, if I start know the clerks at the story so that they recognise me when I go in I can get away with not needing a friend, but that is the only exception.

So earlier this week I got a new shirt, first time I'v ever bought something on the light tones that I actually enjoy. I have a bunch of T-Shirts that I own that are pastel or white but they tend not to be my favourite. On top of this it's a whole new look, the business lesbian look! I'm pretty damn happy with it.

However this came with a simple but at the same time complex problem. All I own are black bras, and while I wasn't sure after asking I have discovered that it is a faux pas (and I had to ask about how to spell that too >.<) to wear white shirts and black bras. So today I had a single task, to buy myself a new bra! One that wasn't as.. well.. dark as the previous ones.

So I traveled with my room-mates to the city today intending to get some foundation and more importantly a new bra. Unfortunetly after having lunch together and the group splitting and returning to work / moving on all that was left with me was two boys. And if there's anything I know about bra shopping it's boys can't do it (Unless they are pretty damn gay). So I had to do it myself as I was determined to get it.

I was nervous approaching the women's dressing room (my girl swears to me I am incredibly girly and it wouldn't be a problem but I'm still nervous), but I didn't get eyed at all. I managed to try it on and get the hell out of there happily! Hurrah for me!

This is great sign in my eyes, it means I am moving on with life and finally accepting myself for who I am! Life is steadily better everyday than it was before ^^

- Fae